youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
