Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
