it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
