I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
