Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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