My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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