We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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