I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize