I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
i believe in u and ur pee
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
