thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
