you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize