sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
