do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
