I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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