and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You can't special order awesome
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
