there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My ass is underappreciated
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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