A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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