Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
