Betty ford says i'm here all night
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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