you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize