I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
