"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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