I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
