There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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