first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
last night I used snow as a chaser
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
