God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize