She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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