I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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