forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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