dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
