FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
