Don't you send me to vm
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
nutella sex= disaster
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
