I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
