oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize