maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
