the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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