She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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