Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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