first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
