I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
