Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
