My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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