From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
