Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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