how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
