A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
