i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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