I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
