I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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