i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
