it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
