well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
