I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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