Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
