So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Of course I have a pirate flag
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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