I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
