dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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