I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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