I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
