Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Shame - the story of my life.
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