If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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