put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
