Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
