He passed out mid-signature
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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