You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
