I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
