my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
3pm strippers are depressing
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
