put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
