Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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