Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize