did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
be right there i have to get my cape
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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