I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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