Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
