dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
