why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
