Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
